8. Reception
- Some couples like to have their family and friends sign a guest register to have a memento of the occasion. A book is placed on a table, near the entrance or at the end of the receiving line. A bridesmaid or a member of the family is usually assigned to stay beside it and remind each guest to sign.
- A cocktail should be served to the guests waiting for the couple, or if there is a bar, make sure that everybody is served. Have an attendant in charge of that.
- A long table could also be prepared with punch and glasses.
- Another procedure is to have a waiter standing with a tray of champagne glasses or a plate or hors d'oeuvres along with cocktail napkins, to offer to the guests as they pass by.
- Always offer an alternative to alcoholic beverages.
a) Receiving Line
- If it has not been done directly after the ceremony, the receiving line will be formed in the hall of the reception site, or in the room, after picture taking.
- The bride's mother, as the host, stands first in the line to greet the guests.
- Her father is next, followed by the groom's mother and father.
- Divorced parents should not stand in the line together, to avoid confusion for the guests. If the divorced parents are remarried, they can stand in the line in couples, separate by the other parent's couple.
- As the fathers are not necessarily required in the line, they may easily circulate among the guests instead.
- The bride comes next with her husband.
- The maid of honor stands beside the groom.
- The bridesmaids may or may not stand in the receiving line.
- The young children and ushers never stand in the line.
- Always take gloves off.
- The guests pass by as quickly as possible.
- Each person standing in the line should introduce the guest to the next person in line. This is a process permitting personal contact and stopping delays from long conversations.
- Thank the person for attending, shaking her hand.
- At a very formal wedding, there is occasionally an announcer standing directly before the bride's mother. It is helpful is she doesn't know a number of guests on the groom's side.
- You may choose to eliminate the receiving line if you feel that you are able to speak to all the guests during the reception.
b) Bridal Table
- If you like to be seated with your attendants, a long table is set-up at one side of the room.
- The couple leads the way to the table.
- They sit at the center of the long side that faces the guests' tables. The bride is seated at the right side of her husband.
- The maid of honor sits at the groom's left, and the best man at the bride's right.
- The father of the bride is seated on the right side of his wife, next to the best man. On the other side, the groom's father is next to the maid of honor so that men and women alternate on each side. The other attendants sit on either side, and their wife or husband is also seated at the table.
- If the bridal party is too large, bridesmaids and ushers could have a special table in close proximity.
- If the couple has few attendants, their close friends, grandparents or the officiant could join them at the bridal table.
- That table should be specially decorated and have a bridal centerpiece (2 or 3 if it is a long table).
- The table should be large enough to accommodate the bride and bridesmaids bouquets.
- The wedding cake is not placed on this table, but on a separate table on wheels for the cutting ceremony.
- If there is a separate table for the parents, those seated at that table are the mother and father of both bride and groom, the grandparents, the minister who performed the ceremony and sometimes, the Godparents. You can also have two separate parents' tables to allow each set of parents to be seated with their family.
- The parents' table is usually set close to the bridal table and should have a "reserved" card on it if there are no numbers on the tables.
- If the parents of either bride or groom are divorced, they should not be seated at the same table.
- When there is a seated dinner, there are always place cards for the bridal table and the parents' table.
- Whether the food is served buffet style to the guests or not, the bridal table is always served by the waiters.
- When there is no bride's table, the couple goes to the buffet table themselves and takes their plates to the table reserved for them, or they could be served as well by a waiter.
c) Guests Tables
- It is highly recommended that the tables are not divided down the middle of the room with guests of the bride's family on one side and guests of the groom's family on the other. They should be mixed to keep a friendlier atmosphere.
- Frequently, place cards for guests are used, and tables numbered. A diagram of the tables with their placement should be installed at the entry of the room. Assign couples with similar interests together.
- If a meal is to be served, tables are formally set with a cloth, a centerpiece of flowers and complete place setting.
- A tradition is to give your guests a small gift in appreciation for their love and support. Popular versions of wedding keepsakes include small bundles of candy, coated almonds, wrapped in colored tulle, pairs of chocolate truffles packaged in small boxes or different other small objects like framed pictures, porcelain, small potted plants etc. It should be placed on the guests' tables.
- If you have invited children to the wedding, seat them together unless they are very young. Ask for a babysitter or an attendant to entertain them. You can also hire clowns. Be sure to get the buster seats needed for the youngest.
- Teenagers will prefer sitting with their peers instead of the adults.
- Allow extra seating for unexpected guests or staff.
- Have the ushers help the guests find their table.
d) Meal
- For a small wedding or a second marriage, it is simple to invite relatives and friends to the bride's home after the ceremony. It is the least formal type of reception, but even so the menu should be carefully planned and as beautifully prepared as possible. If you have more than twenty guests, you must have professional help. The caterer may provide food, cake, serving staff, crystal and china. A rental supplies store will provide you tables and chairs, a tent or many other articles you could need. More information on rental services.
- Depending on the formality of your wedding, you can choose to have a hot meal served, a buffet with tables or a stand-up buffet.
- A caterer or the manager of your reception site must be consulted well in advance. It is wise to follow their recommendations, as they will suggest the menus that they prepare best and which have proved to be most popular.
- Be sure to have a precise number of guests for the caterer.
- More information on caterers
e) Beverages
- Champagne is the traditional wedding drink.
- Depending on your budget, it could be replaced by a sparkling white wine for the toasts.
- Most of the reception sites have a selection of wines according to the chosen menu.
- Many people serve no alcoholic beverages at all. Some prefer to offer the bar services of the hotel.
- During the reception meal, guests may at any time start clinking their glasses with their spoons. They want the bridal couple to kiss. Do it as they wish to avoid too long noisy pounds. Some couples ask for a song or a story instead of the noise to respond by a kiss.
f) Toasts
- At the bridal table, the bride's glass is filled first, the groom's next and then those of the attendants, starting with the maid of honor.
- As soon as the glasses are filled and the guests have been served, the best man rises and makes the first toast to the couple. They will drink crossing their arms for that first one.
- The toasts are usually short and rather sentimental.
- Other members of the bridal party may propose toasts.
- Everyone rises for toasts except the bride and groom who remain seated.
- The groom invariably toasts his bride (he rises) and his new parents-in-law (they don't sit).
- If there is no bridal table, the best man gets the attendants (ushers, bridesmaids) together so they may join him in toasting the newlyweds.
- When telegrams have been received from relatives who can't be at the wedding, they are usually read aloud following the toasts. The best man does this and then gives the telegrams to the bride's parents.
- More information on toasts, poems and speeches
g) Dancing
- If there is only one special dance, this is the one of the bride and groom, after which their attendants join them.
- No one dances before the bride and groom have led the way.
- The first dance always begins with the bride and groom.
- It could be:
2. bride + her father ---------- groom + his mother-in-law
3. bride + father-in-law ---------- groom + his mother
4. bride + best man ---------- groom + maid of honor
- Honor attendants dance together.
- It is usual for as many men as possible to dance with the bride, as the dancing becomes general.
- Each usher should dance with the bride and all of the bridesmaids.
- The traditional first dance is usually a slow dance or a waltz. Parents and attendants are invited to join about halfway through the first dance.
- When a full meal is served, the dancing may begin immediately after the toasts so the guests can dance between the courses (if sufficient space).
h) Special Events
- The dollar dance: during the dancing period, some male guests pin money or a check on the bride's wedding dress to obtain the honor of a dance with her. Some others prefer to pass around the bride's shoe and collect money for the couple.
Cake Cutting
- At a sit down reception, the cake is cut just before dessert and slices are served with ice cream.
- When the reception is a buffet, the cake is cut later, shortly before the bride and groom leave.
- The bride cuts the first two slices, the groom helping her by placing his hand over hers.
- He feeds her the first bite and she feeds him the second.
- When this ceremony is completed, a waiter cuts the rest of the cake for the guests.
- Another cake could be prepared and cut in advance to be packaged in pretty little boxes and offered to the guests as a lovely memento of the wedding. That is the best procedure for a buffet.
- Sometimes, the small top layer of the cake, called the "groom cake," is made of fruitcake, which can be preserved by freezing. The idea is that on each anniversary, the couple will have a small piece of their original wedding cake to enjoy.
- When the cake is topped with an ornament, this too is naturally kept in souvenir.
Throwing the Bouquet
- Just before leaving to change into her going-away clothes, the bride signals her bridesmaid, and they would stand in a doorway, stairs or any spot where she might conveniently throw her bouquet.
- The bridesmaids will help to get all the single women together to catch it.
- The master of ceremony stops the music to announce the event. The person who catches the bouquet, according to superstition, will be the next to marry.
Throwing the Garter
- After the bouquet toss, the groom takes your garter off your leg (often done with his teeth). This is usually done on the dance floor. A chair is settled there so the bride can sit or place her foot to reveal her leg.
- The groom will remove the garter and throw it to the group of single men. The lucky bachelor to catch this garter, just as the woman who catches the bouquet, will be the next to marry.
- Many modern couples prefer to have the groom throw a bride's silken handkerchief in which they have tied some candies (to add weight).
Departure of the couple
- After dancing and chatting with all their friends, the wise couple will leave before becoming too exhausted.
- You can choose to disappear to change into you going-away clothes and come back for a final getaway, or just make a grand exit after the bouquet and garter ceremony.
- A bridesmaid could be in charge of getting the parents of the couple to come for a last good-bye.
- The best man leads the way through the crowd to the waiting car.
- The guests could be supplied with petals of flowers, rice, or confetti (if permitted) to pelt the couple as they pass, calling out good-byes and best wishes.
- Many couples want to mingle with their guest and dance until wee hours of the night.
- The tradition dictates that guest stay at the reception until the bride and groom depart. If you plan to stay late, you should advise your guests; in that case, proper etiquette indicates that they can leave after the cake cutting ceremony if they wish.
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